The first anniversary of my Dad’s death

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My Dad died one year ago today.
I miss him immensely.
I know suffering is part of the human experience- especially suffering because we miss the ones that have passed.  It’s something all humanity copes with.
I need to remember to grieve productively.
Memories of him come easily to me, usually everyday, the good, bad, and mundane.
A lot of guilt and remembrance of his illness is so very hard, Anita Diamand wrote in an article called Vigil
“.. Words fail so many strong feelings, which is why, I suppose, no one ever tried to tell me what it’s like to see your daddy draped with plastic tubing, fighting for breath…”  But I need to remember to remember better.
I can laugh instead because when I play his favorite song can hear him singing loudly out of tune as vividly as if he were her next to me.  He spent so much time with me that I knew him- in whatever sense a person can know another- and I can still have conversations with him in my head, predicting his responses and mannerisms.  I can not only see but feel his adoring smile reserved only for his “baby girl.”  I know he instilled the value of reading into me, and even though he’s not here with a physical body, I am blessed because these memories are life, and spirit.  I know his spirit follows and protects me to this day, and forever will.
Yesterday, I read this passage of a letter Helen Keller wrote to her sister about her mother’s death.  Perhaps my dear sister will find comfort in her words, as I have.
“I am sure, sister, she is much closer to us now than ever, and her dear spirit will give us comfort as time passes. So let us try to brace up by thinking how very happy she must be, freed from weariness and the anguish of unsatisfied longing. Let us remember how she’ desired good every day’ and prayed to find again the loved ones she had lost,and now her wishes are fulfilled.  We can make her even happier by feeling her joy as our own, and you know how our griefs and delights were reduplicated in her heart while she lived with us.”
Go Blue.

daddy

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “The first anniversary of my Dad’s death

  1. S

    I read the entries in the guestbook. He sounds like he was a really generous, interesting person. I’m glad you had a good relationship and were able to love each other so much, even if the price of that is, as you say, deep suffering now.

    If there’s ever anything I can do, just ask.

  2. carol

    we all love you

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